ADHD and happiness aren’t always best buds. But…
Living a life of nearly constant overwhelm, daily frustrations, self-doubt, frequent inability to accomplish things we’re “supposed to be able to” accomplish…Well, that’s a tough place from which to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed every day.
It’s no wonder we adults and teens with ADHD are statistically more likely to suffer from…
- Pessimism
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Depression
Even those of us considered to have an “up” personality are subject to all of the above — and don’t get me started on some of the even uglier statistics about ADHD and quality-of-life.
But here’s the “but.” We have a surprising amount of control over how happy we are, both in the moment (i.e., there are “happiness hacks” you can use to alter your mood on-demand), and for the longer haul (i.e., there are habits and rituals you can cultivate to have what I call a “happier emotional home”).
It all begins with kicking aside a few myths about ADHD and happiness, and accepting some actual truths about happiness…
ADHD and Happiness: Top 3 Unhelpful Myths
Clichés and “inspirational” quotes about happiness, frankly, just make me sad. And there’s too much BS about happiness out there. For example, unhelpful myths like…
- People are hardwired to be either generally happy or unhappy, regardless of what happens in their lives. This has been demolished by research. Yes, as noted above, we ADHD adults and teens are more prone to emotional regulation issues — maybe you saw my recent cover story in ADDitude magazine about ADHD emotions — but we are not genetically destined to be happier or sadder than anyone else — provided we vigilantly know ourselves.
- Being happy means you never feel sad. Dr. David Spiegel, director of Stanford’s Center for Integrative Medicine says, “Happiness is not the absence of sadness.” In fact, suppressing sadness suppresses other, more positive emotions as well. Feeling down about a mess-up? It’s better to grieve a bit than to pretend everything’s OK. Just be sure you follow that up with some self-compassion.
- “If I just get that raise/win that lottery/etc. — THEN, I promise, I’ll be happy!” Money doesn’t affect happiness — for ADHD teens or adults, or anyone else. The research is stunning: Lottery winners are no happier than paraplegics! Big lottery winners are super happy after winning, but fall to baseline levels in about two months. People who become paralyzed from the waist down also return to baseline levels of happiness within a few months after their accident.
And anecdotally, as someone who’s experienced both being unemployed with $100,000 in credit card debt, and a few years later having over $1m in his checking account, I can tell you that everyday happiness has little to do with money.
Nor does it have much to do with any external factors. Fact is, it’s little things we can do every day – and try to make into habits and rituals – that can make us happier NOW, and for the long haul.
3 Science-Based Truths About Happiness and ADHD
As you hopefully have noticed by now in this blog and all my writing, speaking and videos, I like science. Whether it’s about ADHD emotions or ADHD alternative solutions or ADHD and quality of life. So herewith: three science-based truths about ADHD and happiness:
One. Happiness is not a condition, but (in the absence of depression, severe anxiety, etc.) is most often a choice: Gratitude, self-compassion and self-forgiveness are just three examples of simple choices you can make any time you’re feeling the negative ADHD emotions. E.g., consider a “gratitude practice” of writing down three things for which you’re grateful each night or morning. It’s in the science. And it works.
Two. Happiness is not about things you have, but about things you DO. We ADHDers are more prone to impulse purchases than neurotypicals — in part because we’re trying to feed a happiness need. We’d be better off hanging out with friends or family — or just hanging out with ourselves — than buying something we think will make us happy. And…
Three. How you feel about your future… is determined by how you feel NOW. Underline this one, cuz this one is KEY!! Research tells us that if you feel so-so right now, your outlook for next week will be so-so. If you’re down or frustrated right now, your brain is forecasting more frustration for the coming month. And from this mental stance, you’re not gonna be motivated to do much, let alone be at your best.
“Happiness is not about things you have, but about things you DO.” – Alan P. Brown TWEET THIS
So, what might you choose to DO today — maybe even right now, to switch from a so-so mood or even an ugly funk? Remember: based on all the above, you can choose to flip a switch to be happier right NOW (e.g., a gratitude prayer, acknowledge a small victory you had today) so that you can begin your work with a stronger feeling about the future: “Hey, this is gonna work out pretty well!”
I always say, “We ADHDers don’t have to accept chronic procrastination, disorganization and overwhelm as a ‘lifestyle.'”
And neither do we have to resign ourselves to disappointment, regret and pessimism as a ‘lifestyle.’
Bless!
Alan
Alan P. Brown is an internationally recognized ADHD/Productivity Coach, TEDx Speaker, #1 Best Selling Author and creator of the award-winning ADD Crusher™ “virtual coach” video program for ADHD teens and adults.
