AuthorADD Crusher

Know the difference between healthy and unhealthy ADHD hyperfocus, and the difference between hyperfocus and ‘flow.’

Many of us ADHD adults believe that hyperfocus is an ADHD superpower. That’s because we generally define it as “the ability to focus intensely on an interesting project or activity for hours at a time.” In other words, the opposite of distraction. And that’s a good thing, right?

Also, some feel hyperfocus is the same as ‘flow’ – that mental state in which, when performing an activity, we’re immersed in energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the very process of it — resulting in an altered sense of time.

So it’s easy to get these two mixed up.

But they’re different. Mainly in that there’s no unhealthy version of flow, but there’s definitely unhealthy hyperfocus, as you’ve probably experienced. (More about hyperfocus vs. flow in a moment.)

So, Is ADHD Hyperfocus a “Superpower”?

In hyperfocusing, our attention is so focused and can last such a long time, such that we lose track of everything else going on around us. Hence, it can be a  “superpower,” but one with built-in kryptonite.

Because when we “lose track of everything around us,” it’s not just time we lose track of (missing appointments and deadlines): we lose track of priorities, goals, and potentially our own safety…

A respected ADHD authority, Dr. Kathleen Nadeau, described a client who “was so focused on a project that she failed to notice that her house had caught fire. It was only when firemen came through the house, searching for anyone left inside, that she looked up and realized what was going on!”

Additionally, in my view, ADHD hyperfocus is much too often an escape into BS activities disguised as focused work: We’ll focus on something that’s not the thing we should be focusing on, but because we’re “focused”, we just go with it, thinking, “Hey, I’m focused! That’s a good thing!”

But it’s not, when we’re focused down a rabbit hole on YouTube or scrolling Instagram or TikTok for long stretches of time. Or even when we’re doing actual work, but it’s low-value stuff I call pseudoproductivity.

Dr. Russell Barkley, a top authority on the ADHD brain, holds a similar view, and has gone so far as to describe the ADHD hyperfocus ‘superpower’ as, “a myth.”

“Hyperfocusing is actually perseveration [NOT to be confused with perseverance]. You are unable to interrupt what you’re doing when you should have shifted to something else. You should have stopped what you were doing, and you didn’t. There were other, more important goals to have been accomplished. And you ignored them. This is no gift. It is in fact a symptom of this disorder.”  – Dr. Russell Barkley

Indeed, we too often engage in unhealthy hyperfocus – going down “research” rabbit holes, burning hours upon hours on video games, TV or social media, or just doing low-value work that’s not really moving us forward at all.

That said, it is of course possible to hyperfocus on a worthy, productive activity, and such healthy hyperfocus should be encouraged.

All the more, because healthy hyperfocus is a close cousin to flow.

Are ADHD Hyperfocus and Flow the Same Thing?

First, let’s set out some examples of the flow state to provide context for comparison.

• You’re immersed in an aspect of your job in which you’re super-competent, such that it doesn’t feel at all like work – and you work straight through your lunch hour.
• You’re walking or hiking in a place of such inspiring beauty you forget all your worries for a spell.
• You’re engaged in a sporting activity where the challenge and enjoyment merge to create bliss. (This is what I get when I’m on a racetrack with my motorcycle at high speeds.)

While flow shares some characteristics with hyperfocus, it’s a different animal. Mainly, as I mentioned earlier, flow doesn’t have an unhealthy version! But also…

How Flow Differs from Even Healthy ADHD Hyperfocus

First of all, flow is a choice; it’s intentional and typically involves a planned activity. Too often we get into a hyperfocusing session without even realizing it. Additionally…

• Flow provides a sense of personal control or agency over the situation or activity. Compare this to the burning house example of ADHD hyperfocus above! Or to a hyperfocusing session that lasted way longer than you intended.
• Flow is intrinsically rewarding. You never regret your time spent in flow. Not always true of even healthy hyperfocus.
• Flow can be experienced with other people or even a group. Not so much with hyperfocus, where we typically prefer to just be left alone!

Clear differences, yes. But as I mentioned, healthy ADHD hyperfocus has much in common with flow. They both…

• Eliminate distraction.
• Put you in an “altered state” beyond the reach of your worries and anxieties.
• Help you improve skills in an activity.
• Help you get things done!

So, notwithstanding my stated skepticism about ADHD hyperfocus as an unqualified ‘superpower’, I invite you to…

1. Identify healthy, purposeful activities where you can experience either. But…
2. Catch yourself when you’re headed toward an unhealthy hyperfocus session!

And I wouldn’t worry about the distinction between healthy hyperfocus and flow — if you find yourself in either state — ride that tiger!

So…When are YOU in flow? What do YOU tend to hyperfocus on? What are some of YOUR healthy vs unhealthy hyperfocus activities?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

In the meantime, remember: Whatever’s in your way is yours to CRUSH!

Bless!

APB

P.S. Unhealthy ADHD hyperfocus is one of the many things we do that make our ADHD worse. If you’d like to know a few more (and yes, you’re probably doing them all – most of us are), grab my free eBook, 5 Things You’re Doing Every Day that Make Your ADHD Worse. 

How to Avoid and Reduce Intense Negative Emotional Episodes

Next time you’re paralyzed by super-intense negative emotion, here’s all you have to do…

1. Delay the time between stimulus (what freaked you out) and response (your emotion)
2. Breathe in to the count of three; then out to the count of six.
3. Replace irrational thoughts with rational ones.

I’m kidding. This advice is practically useless. Yet each of these came from very reputable sources.

The problem, as I discussed in a previous blog, is that when we’re in the throes of an intense emotional episode – whether debilitating shame, anger, frustration, or grief – that emotion displaces all other thinking – including the rational thinking that would help us dig out of the emotional hole!

This is known as Emotional Dysregulation, which 70% of all ADHD adults say they struggle with. And for which useful solutions are hard to come by, based on my review of what’s out there.

Because most emotional dysfunction solutions are prescribed for when you’re in the middle of that dysfunction! When we can’t access the very solution that’s been prescribed!

For instance, while Brendon Burchard (right) offers some solid emotional dysregulation solutions, this isn’t one of them. And he’s not alone among well-respected people sharing unpractical ‘solutions.’

Hence the need for what I call ‘no-BS emotional dysregulation solutions.’

What Are No-BS Emotional Dysregulation Solutions?

To apply any solution to a problem, we must first recognize that we’re in that problem! Yet when we’re freaked out, we don’t really realize that we’re freaked out – cuz we’re too busy being freaked out.

As such, no-BS emotional dysregulation solutions don’t ask that we access our rational brain when we’re seeing red! They are to be found either before or upon realization of the episode. (The closest we can ever get to applying a solution “during” an episode of emotional dysregulation is once we realize we’re in it.)

Another aspect of a no-BS solution is that it’s truly actionable. So for each of the solutions on offer below, I provide a way to “Go No-BS” —  to do a brief mental exercise that will help make that solution a real thing in your life, rather than just another “solution” you read in a blog and soon forgot about…

No-BS Emotional Dysregulation Solutions: Before

Here are some proactive things you can do to dull the sharp edge of your emotional dysfunction. Incorporate some of these “before” habits into your life and your episodes will be fewer and farther between as well as less severe.

Know that Your ADHD Affects Your Emotions: Just being more aware of the fact that we ADHD adults are more vulnerable to intense emotions can help us catch ourselves when tipping toward an episode.

Go No-BS and Do This Now: Take a moment to simply acknowledge that your brain is wired a bit differently than the average Joe or Jane as relates to the neurochemistry of emotions – results in some negatives as well as some positives (true – a topic for another day).

Take Better Care of Yourself: One of my Group Coaching clients recently shared that he’d been paralyzed by rumination over the previous week. As we explored this, it quickly became clear that in that hectic week: he’d fallen off his exercise regimen, defaulted to some unhealthy food choices, and was late getting to bed most nights. Bingo!

We are more “reactive” when lacking sleep, when hungry or fueling our brain with crappy foods, and when too sedentary. I’ve written a lot about “Feeding Your ADHD Brain”, and here’s a past post with some basics.

I know ‘diet-sleep-exercise’ ain’t sexy – but these fundamentals of self-care are the absolute best ways to manage stress and our emotional wellness.

Go No-BS and Do This Now: Pause and take a moment to rate yourself from 1-10 on your diet, sleep and exercise regimens. If you’re at six or below on any, red-flag it and see if you can make one small change in the next few days to boost that rating.

Know Your Triggers: What are the most common situations that freak you out?  A particular thing your partner or child does that sets you off? A persistent negative thought that pops and gets you into a tizzy (e.g., politics, a strained relationship, etc.)?

Go No-BS and Do This Now: You probably have many triggers. Identify just one right now and set a ‘boundary rule’ around it, e.g., “When I catch myself thinking about [stress-inducing person or topic], I’ll remind myself that this is ‘off-limits’ when I’m trying to get stuff done.”

Get with the Gratitude: Research shows that a daily practice of identifying three things for which you’re grateful reduces stress and helps us see problems as opportunities. Such a ‘gratitude practice’ takes less than 60 seconds. I do it every day.

Go No-BS and Do This Now: Create a calendar reminder that pops up every morning at around the time you have your coffee/tea that says simply, “3 Gratitudes.” When it pops up, jot down ANY three things for which you’re grateful. Push yourself to think of three new ones every day, as repeating the same things is less effective.

The more you practice such “before” solutions, not only will your episodes be less frequent and less deep, but your ability to recognize when you’re in one will be enhanced, giving you a better shot at employing the following “upon realization” strategies…

No-BS Emotional Dysregulation Solutions: Upon Realization

Again, “during” solutions ain’t likely to happen. So we must look to the moment you realize we’re in the episode…

Listen to Your Body: When negative thoughts turn into strong emotions, we feel something change in our body (i.e., our neurochemistry). ‘Listening’ for those changes is a powerful form of self-awareness.

Go No-BS and Do This Now: Think about where in your body you feel emotional tension. For me, it’s in the shoulders/neck and my gut. So when I feel either of those ‘lighting up,’ I can pause and ask, “OK, what’s freaking me out?” – and nip the episode in the bud.

“Emotion is your body’s reaction to your mind.” – Eckhart Tolle

Get Outta the Situation: When I catch myself engulfed in a bunch of emotion-driven rumination, I go out and weed the garden for a few minutes. Or walk around the block. Or go beat up my punching bag. Physically removing yourself cuts off the negative train of thought.

Go No-BS and Do This Now: Jot down on a sticky a few “healthy escapes” (i.e., NOT your phone or YouTube or the TV) you can go to when you catch yourself in a bout of dysreg. Stick that sticky in your workspace.

Express Yourself: I had the honor of sharing the TEDx stage with Dr. Edith Eger, a psychologist and Holocaust survivor who, in an interview with Oprah said, ““There is no grieving without feeling,”

One of the ways I coach my clients on worry and rumination is to write out your feelings and then “just be with them” for a spell.  The same advice applies to when you catch yourself in an intense emotional moment, allowing us to look more objectively at and process our emotions.

Go No-BS and Do This Now: Think about an especially emotionally charged topic and take a coupla minutes to: write out your sadness; talk aloud to yourself about your worries; and/or list your frustrations with that something or someone.

“The opposite of depression is expression.” – Edith Eger 

My offering of solutions here doesn’t mean I view any of this as easy. This stuff is among the most wrenching, debilitating, and frustrating things about our uniquely wired brains.

But please highlight just one or two of these no-BS emotional dysregulation solutions and try to put them into practice soon.

Keeping in mind that…Whatever’s in your way…is yours to crush!

Bless!

APB

Intense, sometimes debilitating emotions may be due to Emotional Dysregulation. Learn why this occurs and how to take back control.

It’s been coming up a lot in my Group Coaching sessions: Emotional dysregulation.

More specifically, issues around debilitating shame, anger, frustration — even grieving (not about lost love ones, but profound feelings of loss around our own constant foibles).

Such intense emotions contributed to my own self-medication for many years (a story for another day) and are affecting most of us on a fairly regular basis.

In fact, 70% of all ADHD adults say they have problems with emotional dysregulation. So let’s get busy understanding it better and then I’ll talk about no-BS* solutions. [*I’ll explain ‘no-BS’ in a moment.]

What Is Emotional Dysregulation, Exactly?

Well, the name says a lot, doesn’t it? But whether we’re firmly in that 70% or not, we of the ADHD Tribe are likely to have more intense thoughts and emotions than our neurotypical friends – with higher highs and lower lows.

So, as Lisa Kaufman, LCSW and founder of MindFuel Counseling in Denver, says, “You may experience happiness and criticism more powerfully than your peers and loved ones do. You can become frustrated and angry quickly, and it is hard to deal with everyday challenges when your responses are always extreme.”

More formally, some helpful background from ADDitude Magazine:

A critical aspect to consider…is ADHD’s nature as a disorder of self-regulation across behavior, attention, and emotion: any difficulties in regulating our thoughts, emotions, and actions [think impulsivity] – as is common with ADHD – may explain the irritability, tantrums, and anger regulation issues these individuals experience.

(By the way, there’s also a lot of talk about Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, which is an extreme symptom under the Emotional Dysregulation umbrella. I’m sticking with the broader topic here.)

Dr. Thomas Brown, writing in ADDitude, says, “Challenges with processing emotions start in the brain itself. Sometimes the working memory impairments of ADHD allow a momentary emotion to become too strong, flooding the brain with one intense emotion.”

That word, flooding, is an apt descriptor for our more extreme episodes, where a single emotion can overtake us, displacing all other thinking – especially and importantly, our rational thinking – which might otherwise help us dig out of an emotional hole.

How Emotional Dysregulation Is Triggered

The triggers for such episodes vary widely: From interpreting a coworker’s words as criticism, to getting legitimate criticism from a boss or feeling slighted by a family member or friend; from relatively minor mess-ups to bona fide crises that make us feel helpless or incompetent; to a bursting dam resulting from a build-up of “frustrations, failures, negative feedback, and stresses of life,” as Thomas puts it.

The result of these triggers are…

1. An emotional reaction that is disproportionate to the situation.
2. An inability to deal rationally with the situation.
3. Inordinate amounts of time ruminating after the fact.

…all leading to a kind of paralysis that further defies solution and constructive forward movement. (And from a pure productivity perspective, huge losses of time, energy, and spirit.)

Solutions, Please?

For starters, Kaufman says, “A multi-modal treatment plan including ADHD medication and behavior therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), has proven effective in helping people understand how situations and thought patterns affect their emotions.”

And there are many coping skills listed in articles on the web that might be helpful in-the-moment, such as…

• Identify irrational thoughts and replace with rational ones
• Take a time-out, “walk away”, etc.
• Administer some self-compassion

But my problem with most such “coping skills” was best described by Danny Reade, co-founder of Asperger Experts, in a newsletter relating an analogous episode of “flooding” – a mild panic attack:

I really don’t like that a lot of therapists focus on coping skills, and I know that sounds weird to say, but here’s why:

I once was on an airplane and had a panic attack in the middle of the flight. For some reason, my body thought I was going to fall THROUGH the airplane and then plummet to my death. As if I was a special snowflake and the laws of physics worked differently for just me. Naturally, this was A) Never going to happen and B) Completely ridiculous to my logical self. The problem is though, I couldn’t access my rational mind enough to convince me that this wasn’t real.

See, when you are in the middle of an emotionally intense event (like a panic attack) it is very hard to access the part of your brain that deals with logical, rational thought – the area that deals with things people have taught you, like doing deep breathing and counting to 5.

So, one of the hardest things to do when you are in an emotionally intense moment (whether a panic attack or an episode of emotional dysregulation) is to “remember your coping skills!”

The trick to making coping skills work for you, says Reade, is to “A) Use them BEFORE things get too bad; and B) do enough self-care so that things rarely get that bad.”

Great advice, Danny. But there’s much more, and in my next post, I’ll share some “No-BS” solutions for Emotional Dysregulation – i.e., things that have a shot at really working — which depend much less on being able to “switch on” your rational/composed brain while in the throes of an emotional car wreck, or that might have a better chance of working “in-the-moment.” Stay tuned!

Bless!

APB

This is a guest post from my former client, and now colleague, Aron Croft. Despite getting into Harvard, 15 years later he was broke, divorced, and earning minimum wage. He then turned his life around (all thanks to me I’m sure!) and now helps others do the same. Read up!  -APB

We ADDers get criticized more — it’s a fact. Researchers have actually documented this. 

ADDers then live our lives in fear of criticism and, as a result, we:

• Don’t pursue our dreams
• Live far below our potential
• Don’t start our businesses, change our careers, or create our desired relationships

But what if you could change that? In this article, you’ll learn how to conquer criticism so you can unleash your greatness.

It’s all about perspective

I grew up with a critical Jewish mother, who I’m pretty sure criticized while she slept.

As a struggling ADDer, I took the constant criticism hard, and became extremely defensive. I avoided criticism at every turn. I procrastinated on my homework till the last minute so my mom wouldn’t comment on it. And I became a people pleaser to avoid social criticism. At 32, broke, divorced, and earning just above minimum wage, I decided to stop avoiding criticism. 

Fast forward seven years, I have a senior manager position in a Fortune 500 company, am happily remarried, and even launched a YouTube channel with 40+ videos. Facing your fear of criticism will change your life. 

In this article, I’ll show you how to slay the criticism demon and conquer criticism with four simple perspective shifts.

#1: If you’re NOT being criticized, you should be worried 

“If you haven’t pissed someone off by noon, then you probably aren’t making much money.”  –– Dan Kennedy

It turns out that we can’t stand on the fence in any area that we want success. Have you ever been in a conversation where someone just agrees with everything you say? Pretty boring, right. As soon as you try to create a deep relationship or achieve greater success, you will expose yourself to criticism.

As Aristotle said, “There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” 

If you’re NOT being criticized, it is a guaranteed sign you are living below your potential. So when you do receive criticism, celebrate! It means you’re not on the sidelines in that area. You’re in the game!

#2: Criticism contains gold under the surface

If you have spinach in your teeth, would you like to know? If a customer has a bad meal at your restaurant, would you like to know — or just have them never return? The reality is that we can’t see the world fully through our own eyes. So how do we find out we have spinach in our teeth (or a bad recipe)?

Through what-sounds-like-criticism…

Dozens of people warned me about the flaws in my relationship and my businesses. But I never considered their feedback because I was so defensive with anything that sounds-like-criticism. The perspective shift is to see it as “feedback” or “data.” You may decide to do nothing with the feedback or data, but the more data you have, the better decisions you can make. What-feels-like-criticism is just data to sift through — and occasionally, you’ll sift out some gold.

#3: You don’t hear the majority of criticisms 

That is a truth bomb, so I want that to sink in. You only hear a small percentage of the criticisms people think about you. The reason is that criticism is scary to give. You know what happens to messengers, right? 

It’s much easier to criticize you behind your back. So… the majority of the crap people believe about you is thought or said behind your back. This means that there’s something precious about the tiny fraction that makes its way through! That person risked being attacked. That person didn’t take the easy way out. So, when a person overcomes this concern and gives you criticism directly, take a moment to appreciate that.

#4: There is an underlying shared interest

Criticism is not only scary to give, but it also takes effort! (Now, I’m not talking about criticism from internet trolls and random malicious people.) I’m talking about criticism from someone you have a relationship with. When someone invests the time to criticize, it is because they want you to succeed on a shared interest. 

Let me give you an example.

Recently, I shared a draft presentation with my boss that I would present to the senior leadership team. She tore into it! “Why did you use this word?” “Slide 3 and slide 6 contradict each other!” “I can’t follow along. This presentation is unclear!” Sure, this wasn’t fun to hear. 

However, people in relationships don’t invest the time to criticize unless there is a shared interest. In this case, my boss wanted my presentation to go well so that she wouldn’t look bad. Great, because I wanted my presentation to go well too! Yes, we have different motivations — but we have a shared interest nonetheless. Given that, her intent was not to cut me down or make me feel bad, but simply to do well on our shared interest. 

So, find the underlying shared interest. Why is this person bothering to “criticize” you directly when it’s easier not to? If you look hard enough, you’ll find it.

Conclusion

Getting criticized can be gut-wrenching, but it doesn’t have to be. To conquer criticism, try on these perspective shifts:

• Criticism is the primary source of “data” about where you may be off course
• It takes effort and courage to give someone criticism, so appreciate that
• The other person wants you to succeed on a shared interest (not random trolls)
• Criticism goes hand-in-hand with achieving bigger things in life

When I changed my view of criticism, my success skyrocketed. I recovered from being broke, divorced, and earning minimum wage to having a successful Fortune 500 career and a growing YouTube channel — where I can be criticized anytime. 

With these simple shifts, you too can conquer criticism! Here’s to your success.

ABOUT ARON CROFT: After getting into Harvard, Aron failed for 15 years until he was broke, divorced, and earning minimum wage. He rebuilt his life and career, and a big part of that was his ADD diagnosis as an adult. As a result, he’s committed to helping fellow ADDers realize their own potential. For more, download his free guide “10 Productivity Mistakes All ADDers Make.”