Lies ADHD Adults Tell – and Really Believe
We’re all a buncha liars.
OK, that’s not a very polite way to open a blog – calling ourselves liars. But we’re all liars, including me.
I recently re-watched an ADDA Webinar I co-hosted with coach Eric Tivers, and we talked about what he calls “Top Lies People with ADHD Tell Themselves”. Whoppers such as…
“I’ll remember that.” “I’ll do it later.” “I’ll be done in five minutes.”
“I’m just gonna check my email real quick.” “I’ll just do one more Sudoku.”
Now, these seem like fairly innocuous lies, but you don’t need to be a Board Certified psychiatrist to know what kind of trouble and overwhelm can result from buying into these lies.
And re-watching the webinar reminded me of a strategy I hatched a ways back — a ‘brain hack’ I call, Know What You Know and then KNOW It, and it gets right at the heart of upending these lies we tell ourselves. Here goes:
We ADHD adults know deep down such little lies aren’t true (“I know I WON’T do just one more, but I don’t care cuz I’m having fun hyperfocusing”). We also know a bit deeper down the kind of mayhem believing these lies creates (“My hubby’s gonna be p.o.’d if I’m late again”). But we don’t KNOW something truly until we act according to that knowledge.
To “know” is one thing. To DO RIGHT (i.e., take action) is to really KNOW.
“We lie to ourselves because we don’t have the psychological strength to admit the truth and deal with the consequences that will follow.” @DrCortneyWarren TWEET THIS
Once you adopt and adhere to the above assumptions, you can begin to put this powerful strategy to work for you. For instance, given this classic internal dialogue…
“I’m just gonna check a few more emails before I leave for my daughter’s play…” [Lie #1 — Deep down you KNOW you’re in the middle of a nice comfy hyper-focus session].
“…Besides, it’ll only take me a minute to get ready…” [Lie #2 – You’ve never timed your getting-ready. You’re just smooth-talking yourself to gain permission for continued hyperfocusing.]
“…and probably only 15 minutes to get there.” [Lie #3 – If you think about it, 15 minutes is the least it’s ever taken you to get there – you’re engaged in wishful ADHD-time-warp thinking.]
And overall, you know deeper down that this same or similar situation has resulted in you being late to this, that, or the other thing many times before. Now, the pivotal question before you is whether you will choose to KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW, and then KNOW IT – by getting out of that chair and heading off to your daughter’s play with a shot at actually being early. Think of how good that will feel! That’s the power of knowing what you know and knowing it.
So next time you catch yourself in one of these little lies, ask yourself: Don’t I KNOW this is really BS? Don’t I KNOW nothing good will come from ignoring this knowledge? And do I KNOW the power of DOING the right thing instead of believing the lie?
Knowingly,
-APB
Alan P. Brown, an internationally recognized ADHD/Productivity Coach, TEDx Speaker, #1 Best Selling Author of Zen and the Art of Productivity: 27 Easy Ways to Have More Time, Earn More Money and Live Happier and the creator of the award-winning ADD Crusher™ “virtual coach” video/audio program for ADHD teens and adults.
